Gw pernah baca majalah Ripple #42 entah terbitan taon brapa, gw lupa. Di dalem majalah itu ada beberapa tips yang sangat berguna bagi kehidupan manusia walaupun tipsnya terkadang ngga logis and ga patut ditiru. Salah satunya ya tips yang mau gw tulis ini. Sebenernya gw ngga mau mempublikasikan tips ini karena emang gw ngga pernah bohong and gw bukan seorang bajingan *cross finger* hehe. Tapi ada temen gw yang pengen banget bohong sama orang tuanya hanya karena persoalan sepele; soal kartu gsm. Ga pentingkan?
Ok sebut saja temen gw tuh bernama Sarah (jelas, ini bukan nama asli). Klo dilihat dari namanya sih jelas nih makhluk berjenis kelamin wanita. Soalnya sampe saat ini gw blom pernah kenal sama cwo yang punya nama Sarah. *ga penting kalliii*
Bohong. Mungkin kita selaku manusia ciptaan Tuhan YME ngga pernah lepas dari yang namanya bohong. Well, bohong tuh terkadang emang dibutuhkan (atau sangat dibutuhkan) dalam kehidupan sehari². Bohong banget klo ada orang yang ngaku ngga pernah bohong selama dia hidup. Yang jadi masalah tuh bukan pas lo bohong, yang jadi problem sekarang tuh pas loe ketauan ngebohong. That’s fucked up, dude. Ya soalnya kepercayaan orang pasti bakalan berkurang sama loe atau (lebih parahnya) orang itu ga bakalan percaya lagi sama elu. Maka dari itu, lebih baik berbohong tapi do it right, jangan sampe katauan. Saran dari majalah ini sih, jangan berbohong to win someone’s heart. ‘cause it only works on goat. Dan goat itu adalah kambing. Not agree? Sok atuh, dicoba saja.. tapi ntar monyet loe ngelempar piring gara² jelous lagi hehe.
Ok sebut saja temen gw tuh bernama Sarah (jelas, ini bukan nama asli). Klo dilihat dari namanya sih jelas nih makhluk berjenis kelamin wanita. Soalnya sampe saat ini gw blom pernah kenal sama cwo yang punya nama Sarah. *ga penting kalliii*
Bohong. Mungkin kita selaku manusia ciptaan Tuhan YME ngga pernah lepas dari yang namanya bohong. Well, bohong tuh terkadang emang dibutuhkan (atau sangat dibutuhkan) dalam kehidupan sehari². Bohong banget klo ada orang yang ngaku ngga pernah bohong selama dia hidup. Yang jadi masalah tuh bukan pas lo bohong, yang jadi problem sekarang tuh pas loe ketauan ngebohong. That’s fucked up, dude. Ya soalnya kepercayaan orang pasti bakalan berkurang sama loe atau (lebih parahnya) orang itu ga bakalan percaya lagi sama elu. Maka dari itu, lebih baik berbohong tapi do it right, jangan sampe katauan. Saran dari majalah ini sih, jangan berbohong to win someone’s heart. ‘cause it only works on goat. Dan goat itu adalah kambing. Not agree? Sok atuh, dicoba saja.. tapi ntar monyet loe ngelempar piring gara² jelous lagi hehe.
- Perhatikan body language loe. Biasanya orang yang bohong tuh keliatan gelisah, gugup, keliatan ngga nyaman, trus jantung berdegup kencang, idung kembang kempis, keringet dingin, mimisan, mulut berbusa. don’t do that. Bersikap normal seakan² ngga terjadi apa² aja.
- Orang bohong tuh biasanya klo buat kesalahan mengingat detile ceritanya atau bahkan detilnya dicampur aduk jadi kaya es campur, makanya cobalah untuk konsisten dalam menjaga suatu cerita kebohongan. Jangan ditambah ini, dikurang itu, dikali sama sana, dibagi sama sini, nanti jadinya bingung sendiri.
- Reflek orang yang berbohong kadang bisa berbahaya juga, jika tiba² loe merasa ‘terserang’ dan secara reflek berusaha menolak monjawab pertanyaan itu. Itumah sama aja kaya loe buat bulletin board di friendster dengan subjek: “Perhatian semuanya.. gw baru aja berbohong..” Pertahankan diri secara ekstrim bakalan mengindikasikan klo loe berusaha menyembunyikan sesuatu. So, relax aja. Don’t panic!
- Jangan langsung emosi dan nuduh yang nanya loe tuh bohong. Nah, ini mah sama aja maling teriak maling.. *maliiiiiinnggg!!!!* get it?
- Hati² sama gertak sambal. Dia mungki aja tau loe bohong, api mungkin aja ngga tau. Pokoknya sampe dia blom punya bukti yang kuat yang bisa nyeret loe ke Pengadilan Negri Jakarta buat sidang cerai mah santaeee aja kaya di pinggir pantai sambil ngontrol diri loe sendiri.
- Ada baiknya klo kita ngenalin dulu siapa yang mau kita boongin dan punya landasan yang kuat (kaya UUD 1945) kenapa kita harus bohong sama dia. Jika dia adalah orang brengsek adalah alasan yang bagus! Tapi jangan coba² boongin dosen, tentara, polisi, hakim, jaksa deh. Bisa repot ntar urusannya hehe
- Jangan ngeluarin jawaban remang²yang ngga pasti. Pesen dari majalah ini: Be more creative with any questions. Ada pepatah bilang: sedia payung sebelum hujan. Nah hubungannya sama pesen ini adalah sedia jawaban sebelom pertanyaan dateng.
- Bikin ekspresi muka loe sedatar mungkin dan tatap matanya dalem-dalem, soalnya ekspresi muka yang berubah² nunjukin bgt sikap gugup loe.
- Jangan pernah terlalu sensitif dan cepat tersindir dengan ngomong: “loe pikir gw boong?!” then they know you’re lying
- Hindari konotasi kikuk. Suara serak, batuk², ataupun berdehem untuk melonggarkan tenggorokan (guaannteeenngg nih yeee hehe), atau loe tiba² ngomong pake aksen India. Waduuhh, bakalan ketauan deh klo loe bohong.
- Hati² sama pertanyaan kejutan. Jika ada pertanyaan tiba² datang menghampiri trus loe kaget and reflek pura² ngga denger padahal loe berdua lagi ada di tengah kuburan yang sepi (kecuali loe mengidap penyakit budeg akut & permanen). Sangat terbaca sekali klo loe lagi nyari jawaban yang tepat buat menutupinya.
yah, semoga tips ini sangat berguna bagi yang membacanya terutama buat Sarah. Semoga bohong loe lancar terkendali yah. Tapi klo saran gw sih, mending jujur aja deh walaupun menyakitkan daripada bohong trus lama² ketauan. Pasti lebih sakit tuh.. tapi ya keputusan berada di tangan kalian semua..
ps: Mohon perhatikan, dengan diterbitkannya blog ini, bukan berarti gw ngajarin kalian semua untuk berbohong. Apalagi untuk berbohong kepada orang tua! Dosanya gede bgt euy hehe. Takut dibilang durhaka
well, have a nice day y’all..
33 comments:
pengalaman pribadi yah?
hehehe
yaoloh..untung bukan ade gue yg baca..bisa rajin boong ntar dy!!hahakk..
to Shanti: yah, bisa dibilang bgitu. ngga ada salahnya klo di sharing demi kebaikan bersama hehe
to Anonymous (mungkin si anast): rajin boong kaya kakanya gtu? hehe
wiihh..bner"..hha
mjalahh aph tuhh ?
to Anonymous (kli ini gw ga tau siapa): majalah Ripple #42. cari aja klo ketemu. cover depannya The Upstairs
kun,adri nih..baca blog gw sama di link ya!dasar tukang tipu!hahaha;D
pny lo udah gw link!
hahah siap boss! ah, gw menjadi tukang tipu juga karena elu hehe. ayolah, kita maen chapsa lagi!
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